Recipe For Disaster
by socchan
Summary: Or, three detectives and a thief locked in a storage closet. Interpret as you will. Some OOC


Recipe For Disaster

By socchan

_Take one mixed pair of Murder Mystery Nuts…_

"Aaaaaaaahh!"

Hattori Heiji's ears pricked at the scream. Beside him, Edogawa Conan, formerly Kudo Shin'ichi, tensed.

"Oh my God! She's _dead_!"

The two boys dashed off in the direction of the screams, dust trailing behind them. Toyama Kazuha and Mouri Ran watched them go.

Kazuha sighed. "There they go again…"

"How long do you suppose it will take them to solve _this_ one?" Ran asked, vaguely amused.

"Dunno. Wanna go watch?"

Ran considered it. "Depends. How much do you want to see Heiji-kun's 'I-just-solved-a-mystery' smile?"

"…I think we should go get ice cream instead. And not save them any."

Ran sweatdropped. Heiji really needed to stop dashing off without Kazuha like that.

_Let sit in a small enclosed space—_

Heiji yanked the storage closet door open. Conan dashed in ahead of him. "Remember, anything to do with finances."

The two boys began shuffling through files enthusiastically.

Behind them, the door creaked and swung shut with a loud click. Conan and Heiji froze and turned to stare at the door as one.

"…"

"…"

Conan set the papers he was sorting through aside on a filing cabinet and walked calmly to the door. He tried the handle.

rattle-rattle

"…"

"…"

Heiji set his own folder down and pushed his hat back so he could rub his forehead. "For once in my life I am praying for a faulty deduction. It's locked, isn't it?"

"Yeah."

"And there's no way to open it from the inside?"

"Yeah."

"So we're stuck here?"

"Pretty much."

Heiji cursed, darkly.

Conan raised an eyebrow. "Yanno, Hattori, I know you're mad that you're right, but that's no excuse to swear in front of a child."

"Shove it, Kudo."

_--For fifteen minutes._

Heiji pounded on the door. "Oi! Is anyone out there? Heeeeeey!"

Conan watched from where he sat on top of one of the cabinets as Heiji stopped to catch his breath. "Well, on the plus side, we solved the mystery. _And_ we found the evidence we need." He glanced at the door. "Not that it will matter much if _we_ die in here." Heiji glared at him.

_Add one British creampuff, part curiosity, part dry wit, and liberal amounts of (mostly) good-natured mischief._

Nakamori Aoko twitched.

Hakuba and Kaito were arguing. Again.

She twitched a second time.

It was usually the worst around Kid heists, but this week the detective and the magician had decided to defy convention and just be annoying as possible.

At about the time Hakuba's notebook exploded Aoko decided she'd had enough.

"_That's it!_"

Kaito and Hakuba stopped arguing for the first time that day and turned to look at Aoko. Kaito thought he heard the Brit mutter, "Dear God, she's finally snapped," in English, but he couldn't be sure.

"I have had it up to _here_ with your arguments!" Aoko held her hand above her head to demonstrate just where 'here' was.

Kaito and Hakuba gulped.

"Since the day Hakuba-kun came to school, it's been nothing but arguments, arguments, arguments! And I am _sick_ of it!"

Kaito blinked. Aoko wasn't _really_ glowing, was she?

Aoko grabbed the boys by their collars and began to drag them down the hallway. "Well, _no_ _more_!" She stopped in front of a heavy door labeled 'File Storage'. "You two are going to learn to get along if it kills you!" Aoko yanked open the door and shoved the two bewildered students inside.

Two shocked figures already inside had just enough time to shout "Don't shut the—" before Aoko slammed the door closed and braced it shut with a mop. "And _stay_ in there until you work things out!" she shouted through the door. Feeling better, Aoko did an about-turn and went to see about getting something to eat. This might take a while.

Inside, a crestfallen Heiji finished a useless sentence. "Door. Great. Now we have _more_ people stuck in here." He eyed the two newcomers. "I certainly hope neither of you is claustrophobic."

Kaito identified a sinking feeling in his stomach as he turned to face adversity. Lounging against a wall and atop a filing cabinet respectively were Hattori Heiji and Edogawa Conan. Or, as Kaito knew, Hattori Heiji and _Kudo Shin'ichi_.

"Let me guess," Hakuba said, mildly. "The door doesn't open from this side." Heiji and Conan nodded.

_Great,_ Kaito thought. _Locked in a storage closet with three genius detectives. I'm living my worst nightmare._

_Well, after the one where I'm in the middle of a heist and suddenly find out I'm wearing nothing more than my top hat, monocle and a pair of four-leaf-clover boxers, anyway._

_Chill for forty-five minutes._

"It might be a little late to ask, but can either of you pick locks?" Heiji asked. "Conan can't, and I've been meaning to learn."

Hakuba shook his head. "Sorry, but no." He eyed Kaito. "Kuroba? You?"

Kaito shook his head. "Moot point. No lock on the inside. I checked." Hakuba's stare grew more intense, and Kaito shifted restlessly. "I might know _another _way to get it open, though…"

Heiji and Conan exchanged glances, and shrugged. "Sure, why not?"

_Shake well._

Methodically, Kaito began to take things from his pockets. "Let's see, I know I have it around here somewhere…" Doves, playing cards, confetti and other magical paraphernalia were rapidly dispersed. The doves settled on various perches, human and non-human alike, while the cards and other odds and ends began to stack up on one of the filing cabinets.

Hakuba blinked at an item that went into the pile. "Kuroba?" he asked, curiosity getting the better of common sense (once again). "That wasn't a pair of ladies' panties I just saw go in there, was it?"

Kaito paused, and looked over at Hakuba. "Depends. What would you do if I said 'yes'?"

Hakuba buried his face in his hands and muttered something in English.

Kaito blinked. "In that case, no, definitely not. And they definitely weren't the pink frilly kind, either."

Hakuba moaned.

"Here we go!" Kaito grinned triumphantly and fished a card gun from his pocket.

Hakuba looked at it warily from between his fingers. "Isn't that--?"

"No," Kaito interrupted, irritably. "It's not. Back when the Kid was first showing up, I saw it, thought it was cool, and decided to make my own." Hakuba somehow managed to look disbelieving without removing his hands. "Oh, come on, Hakuba. You know me; if I couldn't figure out how something like that works, who could? Besides, if I don't keep busy, I get bored, and you know what happens when I get bored."

Hakuba eyed him a moment longer, then conceded. "All right, you have a point."

Kaito glanced at Heiji's hair where it stuck out from under his cap. "And I'm not the only one," he muttered.

_Serve._

"Okay, get ready." Kaito raised the mouth of the card gun and placed it against the wood just above the door handle. "I don't want anyone hurt if this backfires."

"Gotcha," came the muffled reply from where the detectives had taken refuge behind one of the metal filing cabinets.

"Right." Grim faced, Kaito pulled the trigger. Wood splintered around his hand, and he bit back a colorful turn of phrase. Moving the gun, he fired again. More wood splinters, but the handle came loose from the door. Kaito sighed in relief and yanked the metal free of the wood. "Finally." Manipulating the mechanisms, Kaito pushed against the door; it didn't do more than budge. He grunted and pushed again. No good.

Scowling, Kaito gave up on 'minimum property damage' and fired another card at the metal where the handle used to be. Muttering darkly, he pushed the structure through and reached out through the hole. Understanding dawned as his hand met a wooden pole. _Ah, so that's it._ With much grunting and fumbling, Kaito knocked the mop out of place. Slowly the door swung open. "_Thank_ you." Kaito said, reverently.

With much relief, the three detectives and sometimes-thief left the file storage room.

_Feeds those who can live off such things._

Three girls blinked at the somewhat bedraggled group. "_There_ you are!" Kazuha exclaimed, exasperated. "You went missing for an hour, and I was starting to think you couldn't solve the case so you jumped town to escape shame!"

Heiji glared at her. "Of course not! Is there ever a case I can't solve?"

Ran and Conan wisely remained silent.

"Anyway," Heiji turned to Conan. "You still have the stuff, kid?"

"Right here!" Conan piped up, lifting a thick folder, awkwardly.

"Good. Then let's get this taken care of and leave."

Aoko waved to Kazuha and Ran as the group left. "Bye! Nice meeting you!"

Kaito raised an eyebrow. "What was that all about?"

Aoko shrugged. "I met them at the ice cream parlor and we had a nice long discussion about difficult males." Kaito and Hakuba winced. "Speaking of, did you two work things out?"

"Of course." Kaito lied smoothly. Hakuba coughed something that sounded like an affirmative.

"Good. I'd hate to risk locking you two in a closet again. I might not be able to find one with chaperones next time."

—Fin—

Donno… Ending feels sorta weak…

Responses welcome.

Disclaimer: Not mine. Used without permission.


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